Windshields

You would think by now that I would figure out how to avoid a windshield.  It sucks being the bug.

Afraid of..

I forgot the fighting for part...

Best Lessons

“ Our bravest and best lessons are not learned through success, but through misadventure. ”
— Amos Bronson Alcott

And So It Goes

BY: Billy Joel

In every heart there is a room
A sanctuary safe and strong
To heal the wounds from lovers past
Until a new one comes along

I spoke to you in cautious tones
You answered me with no pretense
And still I feel I said too much
My silence is my self defense

And every time I've held a rose
It seems I only felt the thorns
And so it goes, and so it goes
And so will you soon I suppose

But if my silence made you leave
Then that would be my worst mistake
So I will share this room with you
And you can have this heart to break

And this is why my eyes are closed
It's just as well for all I've seen
And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows

So I would choose to be with you
That's if the choice were mine to make
But you can make decisions too
And you can have this heart to break

And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows

Work

“ No fine work can be done without concentration and self-sacrifice and toil and doubt. ” — Max Beerbohm

Image of the past

It snowed today. While walking to a meeting and seeing the snow fall, I was reminded about the fall of 1987. There was a woman from Jamaica who's name I have long forgotten. It was the first snow of the fall semester and to see the wonder in her eye made me smile then. The thought of that moment captured as an image in my mind brought back the smile today. Most of my smiles people see today are not the genuine me. That person is currently working on their walls. Thank you Mother Nature for reminding me to smile today.

Alone

“The person who tries to live alone will not succeed as a human being. His heart withers if it does not answer another heart. His mind shrinks away if he hears only the echoes of his own thoughts and finds no other inspiration. ”

― Pearl S. Buck

Sleep

It isn't a good idea to watch sappy chick flicks when you are feeling empty and broken.  But a sentence caught my ear when channel surfing during commercials... "I wanted someone who would watch me sleep". I don't know where I heard it but it welled up my soul. :-(

Many ways...

“There are many ways of breaking a heart. Stories were full of hearts broken by love, but what really broke a heart was taking away its dream -- whatever that dream might be.”

― Pearl S. Buck

Mountains

Usually when I come home from a trip, the mountains greet me. They are usually sharp and clear even in stormy weather. This time they are muted and have been since I have returned. Through sun, wind and clouds, they are still muted. Nature can teach us a lot if we would only pay attention. For me, the mood of the mountains and the fact that it rained here for nearly my entire vacation brings feelings of sadness. I am trying to figure out why.

By the mountains not greeting me lets me know that I must go.

Home

I have returned from my journey across the sea to an island that is very much a part of me. While there I spend quality time with my mom by going to cooking classes and meandered through the small roads and towns that make up the isle of green. Some areas of the country I feel more drawn too than others. On this trip I learned more about my isle of green's history as well as my own. I am connected there.

This journey was well timed for me. Trying to figure out what to do next with both my personal and work lives is weighing heavily on me. There are many quotes that I could lookup that have to do with being home but none of them quite capture the point in which I am at. In both aspects of my life I feel disrespected, taken advantage of and hurt. I have spent a lot of time dreaming and talking but not a lot of action. I know my weaknesses and my strengths. Some of my sadness will always be there from being "so close".

The ground is rumbling and the spirits are gathering.

It is time.

Vision

Vision without action is a daydream. Action without vision is a nightmare. --Japanese Proverb

It has been awhile

My heart is full of sorrow and I am now broken. For quite some time I have put forth what I wanted from the universe. I didn't think that it was too much to ask for especially since I don't think I ask for much. Now it looks that it will not come to fruition. I have looked at all of the reasons why. Sadly, it comes from locking my heart and soul into a box and not letting anyone in. There was one person who was so close but the inner sanctum I created was just too impenetrable even for them. There were moments of connection where the inner sanctum was open to possibilities. These moments were brief. Why? Fear. My fear of my own perceived inadequacies and at times self loathing. Damn. It is difficult to continue on the path of what you desire when you don't think you are worthy.

He hit all my marks that I wanted and many more I never dreamed about. So now I mourn the loss I created. :-(