It has been awhile

My heart is full of sorrow and I am now broken. For quite some time I have put forth what I wanted from the universe. I didn't think that it was too much to ask for especially since I don't think I ask for much. Now it looks that it will not come to fruition. I have looked at all of the reasons why. Sadly, it comes from locking my heart and soul into a box and not letting anyone in. There was one person who was so close but the inner sanctum I created was just too impenetrable even for them. There were moments of connection where the inner sanctum was open to possibilities. These moments were brief. Why? Fear. My fear of my own perceived inadequacies and at times self loathing. Damn. It is difficult to continue on the path of what you desire when you don't think you are worthy.

He hit all my marks that I wanted and many more I never dreamed about. So now I mourn the loss I created. :-(